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Trust and Respect in Marriage


Character and personality is the hallmark of long-term, loving relationship (Marriage)
The good book describe Men and Women as two born halves that make up one whole, with distinct individual vested different characteristics and uniqueness to help achieve the balance and completion with harmony that nature demands if properly harnessed and combined in maturity and respect for each other.
I’ve always emphasized that getting into marriage in the first place with the person you do not trust and respect amount to waste of time and resources put together, because the base or foundational qualities for long-lasting or enduring marriage and loving relationships are firstly, trust and secondly, respect for each other. Perhaps both of you came from different family background, religious, cultural, or even political affiliations, so there is bound to be many disagreements over the course of married life together as Husband and Wife, but because trust and respect reign supreme between, the marriage can go on indefinitely as long as both of you are still alive. The day that aroma of marriage called trust and respect disappears, you see the marriage melt like a pyramid of ice cream mysteriously.
The causes of many marriage collapse is infidelity. There are men and women who can manage to handle other normal marriage challenges, but the issues of infidelity is a no go area for them, because it circled on trust and respect. Unfortunately, some people don’t see anything wrong in that, in fact to these set of people, they act like donor who donate what is supposed be a sacred area for their spouse alone by law and moral institution to any body generously. That is the world we found ourselves in.
‘Marriage is for matured mind, and not for matured body alone.’ – Saliu Emmanuel
Thus extra-marital affairs causes marriage to end in divorce, even if multiple marriages is still entered into without trust and respect that result in ‘Chastity’ all the time, each of such marriage will still end in failure. How ever, those who obey the rules of trust and respect married once and stay married committed for the rest of their lives.

Compatibility theory

Compatibility could be said to give birth to the most reason for happy marriage. This reason explains that two people are ideally balanced with each other, meaning that each one possesses complementary qualities and characteristics which combine comfortably to form a perfect balance in interaction and responses to each other.

Temperament  is the second key to look into. Some eloquent motivational speaker have argued that one will always be most compatible with a person of an opposite or counter balancing  temperament to one’s own point of weakness. I agree with the fact that an outgoing and extrovert will be most compatible with a person who is more reserved and self-contained, such that a voluble and expressive person will be most compatible with a person who is relaxed and a good listener for mutual compatibility and happy all their staying together. However, I strongly have my question on the term ‘reserved and contained’ person. Some people are not reserved, contained, or use the word ‘withdrawn’ person from child hood. Thus the environmental factors:

Let us  observe a scenario where a young man of marriageable age met a young lady at high school at their final year with intention to get married. The young lady  came from a well to do family while the young man came from  family of ten, with his parents in a 9 by 9 one room apartment in a slump (Popularly called ‘water site’ in Africa).  He had seen more than his age should be allowed to see in his environment where he came from . Life there was harsh,  characterized with disobedience to elderly and minor alike. For the fact that the young man was staying in a small room with his parents,  brothers and sisters was a enough cause for questions. He was very outspoken as a child. Now, he managed to get to high school, about to graduate, sees things differently,  decides to go back to his shelf,(withdraw). My point here is we should address the root cause of matter to avoid misleading people, because being reserved is a relative word, and depends on why and what age one decides to withdraw or be outspoken.  Not every one is born with either characteristics. It is a cultivated habit, nurtured by environmental factors.

Trust you me, to blend these kind of people in relationship, you a lot of work and constant reminder of the change of environment and reason for adaptation if the relationship will work . The reason is that the two characters have different approach and values for life, especially fundamental  values are not common.

Those who always hammer on love alone are really missing some steps to lasting relationship, which is fundamental values. Love of any kind is a response to value you place on your marriage. When  you love something, you place high value on it. Do your research, you’ll find out that families that are happy living together for a long time, places high premium and value with regards to people,  money, ethics, work, children, religion, and even politics etc, and it is a daily and constant practice in the home.

The importance of love cannot be over-emphasized. Psychologists have agreed that the root cause of personality problems in adult life can been traced back to ‘Love withheld’ in infancy and childhood.

Every body needs love, because it is like a roses need rain. When you see person exhibiting all kinds of personality and physical problems, check out well, perhaps he/she lacks sufficient love and acceptance from the appropriate quarters. When your needs for love are completely fulfilled, you’ll be happy and relaxed.

Marriage success and happiness requires two strokes of actions. These are classified as firstly, tremendous self-discipline and self-control. The first action require that you take your spouse as the best friend on earth, regardless of what people think or say about him/her, provided the allegations were mere smear campaign and propaganda  against your spouse. Secondly, you love your spouse without reservation. True love require you to give all to your partner with self-denial and sacrifice all the time (except when you are physical or mentally sick). For those of us who claim to be Christians, the good book told us that our Mentor and Master Lord Jesus Christ ‘loved us so much that he gave himself to us’.

Absolute self-discipline in relationship require complete honesty and openness, regardless of the apparent nature of the incidence. When you are self-discipline, you clearly make your point(s) known to your partner without irritation or anger of any form. When you make your point, listen patiently and calmly to the response from the feelings and opinion of your partner.

The head component of men and women are different in many ways, judging by the ‘MRI Scans’ that was done by a research. Result revealed that women communicate with their seven centers their brains. Conversely, men have only two head lights with which to communicate, distinct from that of woman which appeared to be like fully lit Christmas tree, if you ask me.

This means that women can process multiples sensory inputs at a time, while men can only process only one sensory input at a time. Studies have shown that when a man is watching a television  he does not see or hear anything else, because he’s fixated only on the visual images and words, on the screen, but woman can talk, make dinner, watch television, talk to her children or husband all at once, effortlessly. That simply means that, women are inputs simultaneously,  meaning they can talk and listen at the same time-They are very sensitive to their environment .

In relationship, women are complex, aware of small details, and very alert.  They are very good in situation analysis and assessment. But men are simple and straight forward in their thinking. Men can hear a word and chose to ignore it, women will read several meaning to it, because they are extremely sensitive to the dynamics and nuances, people around them at any given time.

To build a relationship is not a piece of cake, because of the many differences between men and women involvement. To maintain a long-term, loving and happy relationship, you must be ready to pay the price. Price of self-discipline and understanding every time to sustain it.

Discipline of listening is the vocal point of compatibility if all the time. Love and harmony can only continue, endure and lasting relationship if lines of communication stay o[pen through prompt listening to each other when they speak or complain to each other.

1 Comment

  1. […] Character and personality is the hallmark of long-term, loving relationship (Marriage) The good book describe Men and Women as two born halves that make up one whole, with distinct individual vested with different characteristics and uniqueness to help achieve the balance and completion with harmony that nature demands if properly harnessed and combined in maturity and respect for each other. Read more […]

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